The Little Old Lady

Never under estimate the little old Lady.....

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.

She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his
desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash,
so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash
around.

Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets?
What kind of bets?" The old woman said,
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my
bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay,but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

* Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken. You will receive good luck in Four days.

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recibido de amigos para que se los publique

I think we can all use a little bit of humor. Love
MessageEstrogen, Pregnancy and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll
feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.


"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese
omelet

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to
everything you say.

5 You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that
says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to
batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."

8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon
bigger than Super Plus.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cat's facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in
different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your
best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream,
off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever
made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Send this to all the bright, funny women you know and make their day

THEY ALL NEED TO SMILE !!!
*********************************************
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly." In
this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex
lives.........

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!
***********************************************
BERMUDAS: observar a las que no hablan.
POLINESIA: mujer policía que no entiende razones.
ASTRONOMIA: perro de los supersónicos que no puede hacer pipí.
TELEPATIA: aparato de TV para la hermana de mi mama
TUBERCULO: expresión de los apaches cuando alguien los veía desnudos.
TUNICA: única nica de tu propiedad.
ANOMALO = HEMORROIDES
ANTILOPES: ProGutierrez.
ATIBORRARTE: desaparecerte.
BANDEJA: expresión que les gritan a las mujeres cuando manejan.
BENCENO: lo que los bebes hacen con los ojos cuando toman leche.
CACAREO: excremento del preso.
CACHIVACHE: pequeño hoyo en el pavimento que esta a punto de convertirse en vache.
CAVERNICOLA: pequeño excusado al que no le cave casi nada.
CHINCHILLA: auchenchia de un lugar para chentarche.
DECAPITO: superhombre.
PREDILEMAS: háblale mas
DIOGENES: la embarazo.
DIPUTADAS: habla como mariquita.
EMANA: la ota ija de mi ama y mi apa.
ENDOSCOPIO: me preparo para todos los exámenes excepto para dos.
FEHACIENTE: antónimo de bhonita no ciente.
MANIFIESTA: reventón de cacahuates.
MENSULA: tóntula, babósula.
MEOLLO: meescucho
NITRATO: apatía por hacer algo.
NUEVAMENTE: cerebro sin usar.
ONDEANDO: ontoy.
TALENTO: no'ta'rápido
ASFALTADO.- Expresión que dicen las maestras al niño que no va diario a la escuela.
DEPARA.- Lo que dicen las tarjetitas que les ponen a los regalos.
EMBARNECER.- Ponerse como Barney.
MATUTINO.- Hijo del oficial Matute.
MINISTERIO.- Pequeño aparato esteriofónico
NOGALES.- que descobijas, Ciudad antagónica de Gales.
REMATES.- Lo que hicites ora que fuites a Chapultepec.
ALABANZA.- Lugar al que se va la comida árabe al ingerirse.
INDIGESTION.- Tramite que solicita un indio.
INDONESIA.- Se aplica a aquellas vendedoras de verduras que no entienden razones
IRAQUI.- Expresión de los nacos para que voltees a ver

Sobreviviendo estoy, pero otros, lamentablemente, viven de las sobras . . . Así me respondió alguien a quién solo le saludé. Hasta los huevos que uno compra son chiquiticos ya que las gallinas de la V República no comen bien.

Obviamente me queda menos tiempo para vivir que el cual ha transcurrido estando entre los mortales, por eso, y porque soy Venezolano persevero en quedarme aquí, luchando por un País mejor y que, con la ayuda de todos lo convirtamos en un Gran País, más pronto de lo que podamos pensar. Si fuese joven, me uniría a la gran masa que está en pié de lucha en pro de la libertad plena. Si la robolución triunfase y lo pierdo todo, perseveraré en continuar dentro de mi País, tratando de aportar mi granito de arena para recuperarlo.

Debemos estar seguros que con gentuza que utiliza frases como: indevolvible, disulidar, recuperamiento, conversatorio, suponido, no llegaremos lejos, Gracias a Dios. Solo estoy positivamenrte seguro que muy cercano está el día en que nos deshagamos de ésta lacra y que convirtamos pronto a nuestra Venezuela en UN GRAN PAIS, del cual podamos estar orgullosos.

Animo a todos a superarnos y a unir nuestras mentes en alcanzar la meta que nos proponemos.